“Before You Dash Into 2017, Receive The Good, Bad, And Ugly Of Your 2016”

Happy Year New!  No, I didn’t mix up the order of the words in my greeting. This is how I now greet January and remind myself of how each choice I make is a new choice. Your daily choices are what create your experiences, your relationships, your life. You are not bound to “I am who I am” nor “It is what it is”…. if you are willing to make new and inspired choices.

I’m sending you a couple of exercises I do each January for becoming more present with the story of your life and your future. While you do not get to craft every adventure in your life, you do get to craft your responses so as to create more joy and more purpose in your life. Simply click on the links at the end of this article for receiving your 2016 and initiating your 2017!

 

Making it through a year is not the same as receiving what happened in your year. When you take the time to receive and engage what happened-the good, bad, and even the ugly-you will realize essential insights and clarity for effectively moving wisdom sometimes hard-earned, forward. When you simply “get through” what happens to you, you invite needing to have similar experiences again for learning the wisdom your life needs you to live. That’s motivation enough for me! Your life is about honoring yourself and your gift of human life, and doing so will create a life magical and mystical. You part is to do so.

Take some time to receive your 2016 and then begin to craft the story of your 2017 with spirit! So much of what we struggle with is really the result of a lack of engaging your spirit, engaging your soul in your life. Neither medications nor possession will satisfy a lack of spirit and soul in your life. Make 2017 the year you embrace being a woman with infinite grace and grit for crafting the life you desire.

        Receiving 2016                                                              Initiating 2017

“How’s Your 2016 Treating You?”

Freaking out

I don’t know about you, but 2016 is already requiring me to exercise more neutrality, wisdom, and courage for not freaking out in response to the challenges and changes life is sending my way. Now don’t get me wrong, freaking out has it’s place in life-not unlike how a good thunderstorm clears the air. But freaking out onto the people you care about (including yourself) does not end well. All that time and energy spent in emotional drama is sooo 2015!

The free Tele-class “Your Soul Medicine as Woman” I offered earlier this month offered me many reasons to freak out. Beginning with my assistant forgetting to send out the call-in numbers before going on holiday, to the recording function failing, my inner “you’re a screw up” dragon had a field day with me. Yup, 2016 began with great reasons for me to freak out and feel powerless, but this is not how I roll when I remember to engage my grace, grit, and gratitude as a woman.

As I shared in my tele-class, women need to call on their soul medicine for navigating contemporary life’s changes and challenges and keeping their happiness and purpose intact. “May you live in challenging times” is said to be a blessing, yet without engaging the tools and strength your soul offers you, the challenges life sends your way will seem overwhelming and have you feeling helpless. Learning how to receive and decipher your soul’s guidance changes feeling afraid and hopeless to living your happiness and purpose.

I invite you to CLICK HERE for a FREE phone session with me, for why feel alone with your worries, fear, or sleepless nights? Perhaps you already know what you want or need to change, but feel helpless or hopeless to make the changes. Woman are gifted with many strengths and skills, yet caring for yourself as well as you do others can be challenging. Take a minute and ask yourself if 2016 is the year you learn how to claim the grace, grit, and gratitude within you as a woman. Or if 2016 is the year you continue to feel helpless, hopeless, or unhappy with your life or relationships.

“Being Kind to Yourself is not Optional (for Happiness as a Grownup)”

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This 3rd article is about how essential being kind (compassionate) to yourself is for happiness, health, and peace in a world gone a bit topsy turvy. Being kind to yourself is imperative for happiness and requires you become more comfortable with saying “no” and more clear in what you are saying “yes” to. Compassion for yourself is not being “nice” to someone for putting them in debt to you for being nice back. Compassion applied to yourself is learning to honor what is true in your heart and then taking actions of integrity. And the current science on your heart offers updated learning on how important honoring your heart is for real time benefits in health, happiness, and yes, even success in life. Sweet

Despite marketing and media claims to the contrary, there are no secret formulas, no 5-step programs, not even ancient mantras which will magically bestow your desires in life. What sense would it make to be given the powers of a god/dess and not have a use for them in life? Learning to trust yourself and taking inspired action over and over again, creates your life on purpose. If you think about it, it’s kinda comforting knowing it’s up to YOU for creating in life what you want. Groovy

There comes a time in life when success is measured not so much by your possessions, privileges, or positions as it is by peace in your heart. if you are not living with integrity to yourself, you will find yourself unhappy and lacking such peace. You have a unique legacy, purpose, and significance to live no amount of possessions will satisfy. Caring for only your physical needs is not unlike a marriage where only one person gets their needs met. Not a happy couple and lots and lots of compensating going on. Yucky

Instead of trying even harder to be happy through possessions, achievements, and your privileges as human, learn to decipher discomfort, despair, discontent as divine nudging for living the mystery, the miracle of your life. Learning to live not possessed by your possessions gives you space to be curious and open to your heart’s wisdom, for sharing with the world. You sell yourself short in the short life as human, when you neglect to care for the meeting place of your divinity and your humanity-your heart. Ahh

Curious how to live with more integrity, with more heart in your life as a grownup? Simply contact me and after filling out my short questionnaire, we’ll spend some time talking by phone. Fun!

“Are You Being True to Yourself–or Justifying Why Not?”

Integrity_1_Thought_Shapers_Creating_My_Best_Life1f8136(image courtesy of Creating my Best Life)

In this second article, I’ll be talking about 3 little words which reflect where you are not being true to yourself. The presence of these 3 words in how you talk to yourself, about yourself, or about your life, are important clues to why you are not enjoying the power and privileges of being a grown up. The words? ”Coulda, woulda, shoulda”- 3 little words used when you are vacating your power, used when you are out of integrity with yourself, and used when you have forgotten you are a god/dess walking the earth.

Women especially suffer from the culturally-reinforced vacating of power while men suffer from cultural norms which box them into false power. (Check out my earlier article on women’s contemporary power) The presence of “woulda, coulda, shoulda”-in your beliefs, in how you talk to yourself and with others, in how you make your choices-offer useful information of where you are not being true to yourself. “Woulda, coulda, shoulda” undermine you, disempower you, and diss your nobility, your dignity, and your sovereignty. Not cool!

 Try Out This

1. Begin to notice where you are saying “I woulda…., I coulda…, I shoulda…” and notice the silent “but” when using these 3 words. “I woulda spoken up, but……”, “I wish I coulda gone on vacation this year, but….”, “I know I shoulda been honest with her, but….”. Notice how you feel as you hear yourself say “woulda, coulda, shoulda…but…” Are you feeling behind what you are saying? Or do you feel yourself offering an excuse, blaming, or distancing yourself from what you saying, what you want…maybe even scared? Ouch.

2. Now take these 3 words and choose to replace them consciously with words of chosen action. For example: “I am speaking up about this being wrong”, “I am excited and saving for my vacation this summer!”, “I am going to be honest with sharing how I feel when we talk”. Notice how “I am” replaces “but” and how differently it feels to proclaim “I am”?

3. Notice the difference in how you feel as you voice “I am” vs a “woulda, coulda, shoulda… but…”? Can you feel how taking responsibility-“I am” feels more empowered than “I woulda, coulda, shoulda…… but……?

When you use “coulda woulda shoulda” in talking about your choices in life, you are using words to justify not taking action for being true to yourself, for what you truly want in life. This does not mean you are a scoundrel (love this word), without hope, or a bad person. It does mean your history includes being shamed, wronged, or unsafe with telling the truth. You are not alone in this-and-being a grown up requires picking up your courage for claiming what is true for you in life. As I remind the brave people I work with, along with the power to create the life of your dreams (being a grown up) comes the responsibility to do so.

Look for my 3rd article in the series on being a grown up. Our world is in a historical transition and living your presence, power, and purpose in the world has never been more important. And your being a grown up will be in a manner different than how you were taught and how modeled before.

About Working with Me!

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 I am blessed to work with people whose commitment to changing their life or relationships is sincere. Their commitment, courage, and willingness to make different choices results in more happiness and satisfaction in their life and their relationships. You can read my client’s expressions of gratitude they have shared with me and one client went so far as to share her gratitude for the results of our work together in an article she wrote for the newsletter “Namaste Insights Fall 2013”.  

In her article (beginning on page 27), Johanna Maaghul shares her story and how working with me gave her both practical insight and new tools to transform challenges in her life and in her marriage. As Johanna shared in her article, working with me gave her both a new understanding of her power as a woman and a marriage partner, as well as a powerful way to engage what challenged her in life and relationship.

Kudos to you Johanna for your commitment to happiness in your life and marriage as well as sharing your story so others may be inspired to understand how challenges can be a powerful gift, even a blessing.

The Power of Small for All

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I am blessed to have studied with teachers and healers both Eastern and Western for almost 4 decades, learning ancient wisdom and technology about women, men, and relationships. One pivotal learning has been understanding how power for women initiates from within, from a dynamic relationship with her soul and grace. And, how different the world would be if women honored their power to create change in their world.

Understanding women’s capacity and caliber initiates why women are considered crucial leadership our world and times need. Women in essence inspire and uplift others to their capacity and caliber in life as well as offering their own creativity and infinite resources. The challenge to women’s essential nature (and power in service) comes when women believe their impact too small, in lives already so busy tending roles and relationships.

One of my favorite reminders about power and impact is the saying “small contains all”. What your mind calls small is not, for your choices come from your desires, your values, your beliefs, your creativity, your power to create. When you live as though all your daily choices contain power and impact, you begin to create more of your desires in your life and the world.

The changes and challenges of life can feel overwhelming and you can doubt yourself and your power to create your desired life. When you honor your daily choices as powerful and sacred, your life, your relationships, and your world will change in ways both delightful and magical. Small does indeed contain all.

So how can you realize the power of your small?

Show Up. Wherever you find yourself in life, show up. If you are less than thrilled with where you find yourself, commit to becoming more aware of how you talk to yourself and what you are telling yourself as you choose your words and actions. Never doubt the wisdom of where you find yourself in life. Life is for learning about yourself and as you honor your learning and make different choices, life will move you closer to your clarity of desires.

Stand Up. Your presence is powerful and sharing your values, your integrity, your service is critical for realizing your happiness and impact in life. Believing your life will change when you finally get the courage to make that one big. radical. sexy choice which will change everything you don’t like about yourself or your life is magical thinking. But when you stand up for what makes you happy, when you stand up for your deepest values and dreams, your life will align with where you stand up for yourself and your dreams.

Speak Up. Learning to speak up in your roles, in your relationships, in your daily life is not small at all. When you speak up, it may appear tnothing changes… time will tell. Yet choosing not to speak up vacates your power and your presence for making a difference life and world. More than once I have been surprised how words I spoke-sometimes reluctantly-came back as the inspiration or example another person needed to have the courage to speak or act. Never doubt that your truth spoken is powerful, for you inspire not only change but others as well when you speak up.

It is in the small choices we make every day that we create the life we are living. Never mistake small for less than all powerful. Daily choices of heart and soul create a life full of heart and soul….a life we are all meant to live big every day.

 

“Why Your Presence Matters”

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In last month’s article “In a World Often Scary, Why Being Vulnerable is Essential”  I wrote about how critical courage, compassion, and choosing to be vulnerable is for realizing happiness and success in your relationships and contemporary life. In this fourth and last article on the art and science of contemporary life, I share how learning to discern, decipher, and delight in wisdom, guidance, and support from more than our 5 senses is essential as well.

Multi-sensory intelligence is the information we receive, transmit, and process through means other than our 5 physical senses. Here in the West, we consider our 5 physical senses the means for gathering and distributing information, whereas in cultures older, sensory intelligence includes information from the heart, the soul, and what is encountered in the physical environment. Shamans, medicine women and men, and healers of many traditions know we are more than our minds, and use their knowledge and skills with multi-sensory intelligence to create results not thought possible.

Every person I have worked with had multi-sensory experiences, yet has been reluctant to trust them although sheepishly admitting to them. So what is difficult about trusting information from other than your thoughts? Habit, belief, and conformity…..the habit of not trusting yourself, the belief in only thoughts being real, and the conformity to what has always been as what is possible. As my clients will attest, only when they trusted themselves and the information they were receiving from within themselves did they realize they had Lymes disease vs imaging symptoms, did they realize a happier marriage than ever before, did they realize their happiness through clarity in their choices.

Learning to expand what has power in your world, what informs, guides, and supports you, is essential for living in a world awash in information yet lacking essentials for all people. Your mind is fabulous yet it is but a fraction of the intelligence you have at your disposable as a human being, an alchemy of physical matter and infinite spirit. Accessing the greater range of your intelligence and creativity requires your willingness to trust your experiences, to discern your body’s wisdom, and to decipher important wisdom within your emotions.

Honoring the power of your multi-sensory presence (from Latin meaning “being at hand”) is essential in a world where technology is often confused for solutions. Your power of presence is not only your physical presence; power of presence is becoming conscious your presence is an essential (from Latin meaning “in the highest degree”) part of wherever, with whatever, and with whoever you find yourself in life. For life is not what happens to us as much as realizing life is a dynamic we are co-creating…an essential update for contemporary life.

“In a World Often Scary, Why Being Vulnerable is Essential”

 

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In my first article “The Trojan Horse Opportunity, Change, and Transition Offer Us”, I wrote about challenges offering surprising gifts and invitations for increasing happiness and satisfaction in yourself and your life. In the second article “Learning to Trust Yourself and Life Again; Balancing Inner and Outer Authority”, I wrote about how balancing the authority you give others with learning to call on your own (inner) authority, increases your satisfaction and integrity in life. And here is my new article “In a World Often Scary, Why Being Vulnerable is Essential”:

Whether you subscribe to “leaning in”, “leaning out”, or “love will heal all”, contemporary relationship is emerging as more than a role or a status. Contemporary relationship is a a powerful means for transforming conflict, a petri dish for self-discovery and healing, and an essential dynamic for pivoting the out-dated power over of position, privilege, and possessions into contemporary power with our challenges, courage, and creativity. Contemporary relationship embraces the power of our mind as well as the power of our heart and soul, scientific research showing our health and sense of well-being is in part a reflection of the health of our relationship with ourselves and with others.

Relationships take a lot of wear and tear in a world which can hold everything as up for sale. When we pick up our courage for honoring the sacredness, the nobility of ourselves and an other, our relationships begin to offer us what we all long for…..to be safely seen as imperfect as we all are. Our relationships offer us opportunity after opportunity for healing family patterns which create pain, for tending to our self-love and care, and for developing trust and faith in ourselves and with another. Honoring your relationships requires your courage for allowing the vulnerability (From Latin meaning “wound”) essential for transforming the scary into compassion (From Latin meaning “to suffer with”) with yourself and an other.

Choosing compassion when a relationship challenges your inner security is not overlooking the need for change in the relationship. Responding with compassion to emotions which scare you is courageously choosing to honor your relationships as powerful vehicles for tending to the fears and insecurities we all carry. Choosing compassion is not for wussies; compassion requires courage, honestly examining your feelings, and not blaming another for not being the way you want them to be. Choosing compassion is essential for living life less through fear and more through trust of the wisdom of heart to lead.

Extending to “the other” what you usually demand of them, begins healing wounds of the past, making room for the destiny of the future. Choosing to extend your compassion, your curiosity, your courage to when another triggers you, allows you to pivot fears into learning and allows the vulnerability necessary for true intimacy. When you choose to communicate more for understanding and less for making certain you are heard, you choose connection with vs power over another. Powerful powerful steps for the peace and joy we all long for and I believe, we were born able to create.

Coming next week is my fourth and final article in this series on the art and science of life contemporary. I am excited to share with you how learning to discern, decipher, and delight in the abundant guidance and support life offers us each day, provides support and guidance in a world demanding more than simply the facts of our physical senses. Sensory intelligence is essential for meeting a world awash in fact and figure information, yet challenging us to create solutions to what our minds believe is impossible. Great stuff!

“Learning to Trust Yourself and Life Again: Balancing Inner and Outer Authority”

Balance

In last week’s article “The Trojan Horse Opportunity of Change, Challenge, and Transition”, I wrote about updating beliefs, habits, and choices for staying contemporary in your life and world. One of the updates I touched on was balancing the power you give authority outside yourself with the authority you allow your own self when crafting your happiness and life. Learning to trust yourself and life is crucial in creating happiness and satisfaction in life.

You’ve been taught to defer power to authority outside yourself-parents, teachers, experts, ministers, etc-and to adhere to common answers vs your own answers, as to what is right and what is wrong. You are taught to defer to the (mostly) masculine norms Western civilization is constructed upon, women feeling this imbalance most personally, and the potential of all people impacted. So it is any wonder you may not truly know yourself, trust what you feel, or have faith in life as on your side?

In time, your soul will initiate a process for evaluating your life, often through a crisis (from the Latin word meaning “to decide/decisive point) in your health, relationships, or happiness. This evaluation brings to light the balance between the facts of your outer authority and the truths of your inner authority. We are taught to fear change, challenge, and transition, yet the process of claiming more integrity and soul in your life only enhances the integrity of your relationships, happiness, and fulfillment in life.

In life contemporary, we make everything important except learning about ourselves. In response, life will often trigger events in life as opportunities for learning about more about yourself:

1. You live life by “shoulds, need to, have to’s” in your roles, your relationships, and your choices…..building resentment you blame others for, when you could be learning to respond with compassion for yourself and learn more about your feelings!

2. Your intimate relationships begin to experience escalating conflict, conflict based on expectations of what the other “owes” you….treating your relationships like commodities when you could be learning to trust sharing your imperfect self with another imperfect self!

3. Your body lets you know it is unhappy and demands your attention in ways painful or scary….. so you feel betrayed by your body when you could be learning how to discern and decipher it’s wisdom!

4. You realize you are spending your days simply trying to get through to the end of the day, day after day……indulging in drama or distractions when you could be committing to support, wisdom, and guidance on the skills, ways, and delight of self-discovery!

Contemporary life includes few traditions of mentorship or apprenticeship, yet our need for the care and guidance of wise community is more than ever. Power (from Latin meaning “be able”), secular or spiritual, historically passed through a conscious community tending to the awakening and learning of power. With the dismantling of traditions and the diminishing of institutional authority, we are being called to claim more inner authority yet challenged by not knowing how to do so, alone with only our facts.

 

“The Trojan Horse of Opportunity Change, Challenge, and Transition Offers Us”

My clients entrust me with helping them update their beliefs, habits, and choices for creating more joy, integrity, and health in themselves and their relationships.  We begin by building a foundation for learning to trust (again) themselves, life,  and their dreams.  And once they have done so “well enough”, there is little in life they cannot meet with confidence, creativity, and courage.  

One of the passages engaged when in the process of change, is realizing much of what you have been taught (or concluded) about life, needs updating. Not unlike how operating systems need updating for computers to serve contemporary needs, your operating system-your beliefs, your habits, your choices-need updating as well. Updating your operating system not only increases your satisfaction and fulfillment in life, it is a critical component to living your power, purpose, and your passions in life.

A software update I teach people is learning the difference between a conscious/pro-active choice and and a default/reactive choice.  There is much confusion, even with people who are committed to being conscious (from Latin meaning “knowing of oneself or of others”) of just where IS the line between acceptance and response-ability, between being passive and surrendering, between going with the flow and being in their default (from Latin meaning “failing, deceiving”) comfort zone. 

The answers you seek for crafting a life of purpose, lay not only in the facts you’ve been  taught about life, the answers awaits your living the truths within yourself as well. When you learn to trust your inner authority of knowing, you learn to trust yourself and life again, bringing balance to the authority of the facts outside. Challenging?  Perhaps, yet not as challenging as feeling you are living a life false of yourself, or devoid of truths your own.  Honoring your personal (inner) authority carries the price of sacrificing (from Latin meaning “holy”) the false comfort of your defaults in life for the delight and power of your living spirit in flow.

 Finding your balance between outer authority (from Latin meaning “giving power and control”) you default your power to, and living the wisdom of your inner authority, is a process rewarding and a process requiring community and containment.  Awakening to more of your power-as is told by myths young and old-carries with it risks and dangers teachers, guides, and mentors shepherd students through safely.  (Think Gandolf in Lord of the Rings). The Western mythology of the solitary nature of coming into wisdom and power, is simply that….a myth, not a truth.

 Look for the second article in my series on learning to trust yourself and life again. Human life is an elegant art and science, with delight (from Latin meaning “with light”) and integrity easing our journey.Or as ee.cummings put it so eloquently, “to be nobody but yourself,  in a world which is doing it’s best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight”.