“Arising From the Ashes When Life Falls Apart” FREE Event

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Life has a way of bringing home how truly little you control in life, be it when you are born or you die, when people come or go from your life, or what challenges your day will bring to you. To be happy and feel at peace in life requires learning to rise from the ashes of what falls apart in your life. The irony being learning to do so IS what you have control of in your life.

Learning to receive what is changing in your life as your ally, opens up room within you for more happiness and peace. What falls apart in your life is your holy invitation to let die what does not serve you, making room for birthing what does. What is true, what is holy, will come from the ashes of what falls apart in your life, not from the illusions of control in your life or over others.

This class will help you rise from the ashes of a challenge life has dealt you. Be it a relationship in crisis, challenged health, or the despair of living your fate and not your destiny, come learn how to rise from the sacred ashes of what is changing and challenging in your life. 

Interested?

This FREE Event is being held at Roots and Wings Healing Center in Natick MA on Saturday September 26th from 1-3 pm EST. Bring a friend or tell a person you know needs this class!

 

Why “Just Breathe”is not Enough

A little over a week ago, 9 people were killed by a man 21 years young, in the basement of their church. Outrage, anger, sorrow are some of the emotions people share feeling, and how to respond to their emotions and this tragedy, a struggle. I shared my initial thoughts in an article I posted on my website and one of the responses I received was “just breathe”. Now, I teach people I work with how to use their breathing for lowering anxiety and stress. So why did I find myself feeling irritated by this response to “just breathe”?

“Just breathe” seems a kind enough response to my feelings of outrage and pain, yes? Earlier in my life I would have thought so and ignored the feeling inside that more was needed. Yet my life experience’s have delivered priceless wisdom about the need for both inspiring words and conscious action. Too many women fall into the trap of talking and talking about what they don’t like yet fear speaking up or taking action for making things better. Women who then end up feeling badly about themselves and feel helpless or hopeless in their life or a relationship.

As Elizabeth Cady Stanton offered  “The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and not only hesitate to tell the truth within us but fail to act upon it, the divine floods of light and life flow no longer into our souls.” Women’s power emerges in large part through her willingness to give voice to the truths she feels within, to give voice to what is waiting for her to speak up for. Women’s power emerges when she owns the divine grace she is and engages her grace and soul for transforming the world.

The Reverend Clement Pinckney-one of the 9 people killed in Charleston last week-was both a minister and a State Senator. When asked why he chose to be both, he said he knew prayers alone would not help the people he served gain the jobs they needed for a better life. He said he needed to both serve his faith in God through his ministry and serve his underprivileged constituents through politics. “Both faith in the prayers he offered and taking action in the world he lived in were needed for making things better.”

I leave you with but one suggestion instead of my usual list of a few. A suggestion for when you find yourself in pain or despairing about a relationship or the state your life is in. Give this one suggestion an opportunity for you to experience the guidance and wisdom within you. Close your eyes, focus your breath into your heart, and say to yourself ”Divine Being of compassion and grace I am, bless me with loving myself and my life today”. Feel these words as they resonate within you and receive what comes forth when you offer yourself these words. Then commit to taking action with the power and presence of your grace as a woman.

“What Frogs are Boiling in Your Life?”

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“The Boiling Frog Syndrome”(BFS) is an anecdote about how a frog placed in boiling water will jump out immediately but when a frog is placed in cold water which is then slowly heated, froggie will not perceive the danger and will boil to death. Although science disproves the truth of BFS, it’s cautionary tale of the cost of ignoring the small and subtle messages you feel of something being off, is truth.

Women’s history of being told to “behave and make nice” for being safe in life and love means women often dismiss and deny what they are feeling and noticing. Especially when paying attention to what they are sensing will “make waves” with people they love or are dependent on. Yet ignoring what you are sensing does not keep you truly safe in either life and love. Ignoring what you are sensing only keeps you from taking action in time to attend to what your wisdom is telling you is wrong.

More than one woman has come to me angry with herself for not listening to her feeling of something being”off”, for time had proven what she was sensing as correct. A women will often ignore her innate “early alert system” for not “rocking the boat’ in a relationship or where she fears reprisal for speaking up. Yet ignoring messages from the powerful sensitivities you possess as a woman can land you in troubles you could have prevented or mitigated.

So, just how do you balance speaking up and standing up for what you know with your desire for safety and acceptance in love and life?

1. Commit to learning about and loving yourself as a priority in your life. Learning about yourself is not optional for being happy and fulfilled in life. When you know what makes you happy, what you love, what’s important to you in life and relationships, you can care for your needs consciously. Expecting those you love to be your primary source of approval and support only places others as a parent with you as the child. And while we all need a little help from our friends, learn to love and support yourself as a job you are the best at and your privilege.

2. Update your relationship with anger. Anger is the element of fire offering its power to protect you as well as transform what challenges you. Instead of smothering (ignoring/fearing) your anger or letting it become a wildfire, develop a conscious relationship with your anger. Anger is not wrong nor bad; only when you do not tend to anger’s presence does anger cause you problems. Denying your anger for “not making waves” does not keep you safe in relationships nor in life. Learn to receive and decipher your anger, for within your anger is wisdom seeking to protect you and transform what IS dangerous to you.

3. Learn the difference between your sensory system and your intellect (aka your body never lies).  The sensory capacity of a woman is intimate to her biology as a woman and offers women sensory information for her protection and for deep wisdom. ( No, I am not saying women are better than men, rather different and viva la difference!). Ignoring your perceptions and receptions of information is a cultural norm, not your innate capacity, and gets you in trouble. Choose to honor your sensory capacity, take action informed by your sensory information and perceptions,  and watch your happiness blossom.

4. Get help outside of your family and friends for making the changes you want in yourself or your life. Family and friends at their best are your cheerleaders in life…. and family and friends can resist you changing. Just as cheerleaders do not serve as coaches for their team, don’t expect your cheerleaders in life to be your coaches in life. Your decision to take up your challenges as your opportunity for personal growth offers you being inspired by doing so.

The new normal in our world is change change change. One big change is relying less on outside of you for direction and support, and trusting in yourself more. Change can be really uncomfortable and challenging and going it alone is no longer a sign of strength. We all need help dealing with the angel and the devil on our shoulders. To live your life with heart, you need the strength of your soul….a soul clear and strengthened through transforming your challenges in life. 

“Learning to Trust Yourself and Life Again: Balancing Inner and Outer Authority”

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In last week’s article “The Trojan Horse Opportunity of Change, Challenge, and Transition”, I wrote about updating beliefs, habits, and choices for staying contemporary in your life and world. One of the updates I touched on was balancing the power you give authority outside yourself with the authority you allow your own self when crafting your happiness and life. Learning to trust yourself and life is crucial in creating happiness and satisfaction in life.

You’ve been taught to defer power to authority outside yourself-parents, teachers, experts, ministers, etc-and to adhere to common answers vs your own answers, as to what is right and what is wrong. You are taught to defer to the (mostly) masculine norms Western civilization is constructed upon, women feeling this imbalance most personally, and the potential of all people impacted. So it is any wonder you may not truly know yourself, trust what you feel, or have faith in life as on your side?

In time, your soul will initiate a process for evaluating your life, often through a crisis (from the Latin word meaning “to decide/decisive point) in your health, relationships, or happiness. This evaluation brings to light the balance between the facts of your outer authority and the truths of your inner authority. We are taught to fear change, challenge, and transition, yet the process of claiming more integrity and soul in your life only enhances the integrity of your relationships, happiness, and fulfillment in life.

In life contemporary, we make everything important except learning about ourselves. In response, life will often trigger events in life as opportunities for learning about more about yourself:

1. You live life by “shoulds, need to, have to’s” in your roles, your relationships, and your choices…..building resentment you blame others for, when you could be learning to respond with compassion for yourself and learn more about your feelings!

2. Your intimate relationships begin to experience escalating conflict, conflict based on expectations of what the other “owes” you….treating your relationships like commodities when you could be learning to trust sharing your imperfect self with another imperfect self!

3. Your body lets you know it is unhappy and demands your attention in ways painful or scary….. so you feel betrayed by your body when you could be learning how to discern and decipher it’s wisdom!

4. You realize you are spending your days simply trying to get through to the end of the day, day after day……indulging in drama or distractions when you could be committing to support, wisdom, and guidance on the skills, ways, and delight of self-discovery!

Contemporary life includes few traditions of mentorship or apprenticeship, yet our need for the care and guidance of wise community is more than ever. Power (from Latin meaning “be able”), secular or spiritual, historically passed through a conscious community tending to the awakening and learning of power. With the dismantling of traditions and the diminishing of institutional authority, we are being called to claim more inner authority yet challenged by not knowing how to do so, alone with only our facts.

 

“The Trojan Horse of Opportunity Change, Challenge, and Transition Offers Us”

My clients entrust me with helping them update their beliefs, habits, and choices for creating more joy, integrity, and health in themselves and their relationships.  We begin by building a foundation for learning to trust (again) themselves, life,  and their dreams.  And once they have done so “well enough”, there is little in life they cannot meet with confidence, creativity, and courage.  

One of the passages engaged when in the process of change, is realizing much of what you have been taught (or concluded) about life, needs updating. Not unlike how operating systems need updating for computers to serve contemporary needs, your operating system-your beliefs, your habits, your choices-need updating as well. Updating your operating system not only increases your satisfaction and fulfillment in life, it is a critical component to living your power, purpose, and your passions in life.

A software update I teach people is learning the difference between a conscious/pro-active choice and and a default/reactive choice.  There is much confusion, even with people who are committed to being conscious (from Latin meaning “knowing of oneself or of others”) of just where IS the line between acceptance and response-ability, between being passive and surrendering, between going with the flow and being in their default (from Latin meaning “failing, deceiving”) comfort zone. 

The answers you seek for crafting a life of purpose, lay not only in the facts you’ve been  taught about life, the answers awaits your living the truths within yourself as well. When you learn to trust your inner authority of knowing, you learn to trust yourself and life again, bringing balance to the authority of the facts outside. Challenging?  Perhaps, yet not as challenging as feeling you are living a life false of yourself, or devoid of truths your own.  Honoring your personal (inner) authority carries the price of sacrificing (from Latin meaning “holy”) the false comfort of your defaults in life for the delight and power of your living spirit in flow.

 Finding your balance between outer authority (from Latin meaning “giving power and control”) you default your power to, and living the wisdom of your inner authority, is a process rewarding and a process requiring community and containment.  Awakening to more of your power-as is told by myths young and old-carries with it risks and dangers teachers, guides, and mentors shepherd students through safely.  (Think Gandolf in Lord of the Rings). The Western mythology of the solitary nature of coming into wisdom and power, is simply that….a myth, not a truth.

 Look for the second article in my series on learning to trust yourself and life again. Human life is an elegant art and science, with delight (from Latin meaning “with light”) and integrity easing our journey.Or as ee.cummings put it so eloquently, “to be nobody but yourself,  in a world which is doing it’s best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight”. 

 

 

 

 

 

Remembering You are Queen: The Emerging Leadership of Women’s Power and Compassion

In the Orient, ancient wisdom holds women as “The Adi Shakti”, Sanskrit meaning “the power which creates all”. Given how woman both contain and are the vehicle for all life human, this understanding of women’s powerful depth and dimension is indeed wisdom, even if wisdom not honored. At one time in human history, women’s powerful service as “the grace of god” was revered, and in our time, honoring women has disintegrated into the denigration of women as well as the destruction of the (feminine) Earth.  Now, as the Age of Separation ends and the Age of Illumination begins,  women’s partnership of divinity and destiny is being called forth for leadership, through empowered compassion, in tending the wounds of not only themselves as women, but their relationships with,  and men as well.

 A women carries within herself a lineage of pain and anger from centuries of her ancestor’s powers being feared by men, fueling not only the destruction of women, but men’s relationships with women and the Earth as well. The challenge for contemporary women is to heal the historical patterns of pain and anger they carry within as women, and to transform “power over” into “compassion with”.  What will make this possible?  When women choose again to be Queen in how they lead their life.  Claiming yourself as Queen is claiming the stage of mid-life power and service missing from the Western model of women’s role progression from child, maiden, mother (Queen) and crone.  (And for all mid-life women who have been reluctant to embrace crone as their next stage, high-five your inner knowing!).

 So how does a woman claim herself  (as Queen)?  Simple….she remembers she is Adi Shakti……the power that creates all.  A woman honors her unique wisdom, strengths, and leadership as fundamental to the happiness and health of not only her life, but all she serves as well.  She remembers tending to her heart and soul is not simply an entry on her to-do lists,  nor does she hand the sacred right of claiming “what is true” over to authority outside herself.  A Queen honors her body as the multi-sensory temple is it for receiving guidance and support from the sacred realms. A Queen remembers she is never alone, for within her is the presence of her heart and soul as well as all in the unseen realms that care and tend to her. And a Queen knows a community of women is critical for her well-being as well as for her role as the guardian for all life.

 Being born a woman is a destiny of leadership through inspiration, healing, and embodied compassion for meeting the challenges and changes of our world. Throughout the ages, the strength of a nation was known by how women were honored and the presence of women’s wisdom in guiding the nation.  The age we are entering is calling upon women’s leadership, powers, and compassion for guiding our world through challenges our minds alone cannot meet.  It is a time calling upon our deepest wisdom and power, heart and soul, with women’s mastery of mystery, leading our way.

Just what IS “grace” these days?

“Grace” is a word getting a lot of press these days as is “divine feminine”, “women’s leadership”, etc. and while catchy as sound-bites, just how do these words mean in our daily (translates to already too full) lives as women? As an exacerbated client shared this morning as I was teaching her about “soul language” “it’s like having to learn a whole new language and I am already overwhelmed!”.

In my work with women, I update words and concepts for both more congruence in today’s world and for the word’s offer of it’s power in our daily lives. Often this means taking a word we have learned as a noun and updating it’s relevance as a verb. For example, the word “grace”- which we learned was something one had (or did not) I teach is more a state of being, a dynamic we live in-in short, a verb.  And yes, it is like learning to learn a new language…so whassup?

We are changing and transforming from talking and knowing in our head to living and being our humanity-and divinity- in everyday life. Our language will reflect these changes ….the words of control and manipulation transforming into the language of faith and trust, the words of coercion and challenge transforming into the language of cooperation and opportunity, the words of “either-or” transforming into the language of “both-and”, the limitations of our words giving way to the living grace of our heart and soul as human beings.

So next time you find yourself frustrated by “what used to be so” and now needing to change, congratulate yourself for noticing an invitation from your life to update and transform more into your “being”.  Life offers in every one of her challenges, power within the challenge for meeting it.  When we choose to let go of life as a series of nouns and live our faith in life and of ourselves, we gain the grace of our divinity flowing through our humanity, the living gift of being a human.