“Are You Going to War for Peace?”


Don’t worry, this is not a story of the often sad and scary news in our world today. This IS a story about how choosing not to go to war for peace will grace your life with the integrity and the peace you are seeking in life and the world.

10 years ago, my marriage of 25 years ended and I found myself alone with 3 children, the mortgage, and marital assets made unavailable through creative accounting by people considered friends-ouch! Person after person challenged me to go to war (court) for getting back what was mine, misconstruing my reluctance to do so as fear.

So what was my hesitation if not from fear?

I knew what my former husband was capable of (I’m a fast learner), but fear was not what was holding me back from going to court with my former husband. It was my clarity about the price my children would pay if I were to focus my time, energy, and resources on battling in court with someone who wanted a war. My children needed their mother to focus her time, energy, and resources on their needs as children, including peace in their home and in their family. My children needed me to choose war or peace.

I was faced with the choice to go to war for making peace with my finances- knowing my children would pay dearly for this choice- or making peace with life having a different plan for me. My wounded pride and sense of betrayal were romancing me onto war and yet silent on the true cost of doing so. Sound familiar? How many times have you found yourself at war for soothing pride injured or feelings hurt by someone you love? And only later, realized the cost to you or the relationship?

This was my hardest challenge so far in life and many were the days I did not know if I was capable of making a victory from what felt overwhelming and devastating. Yet embracing my faith and demanding grace be made tangible in my life had previously transformed my chronic illnesses into good health, my infertility into 3 children, and being without a home into a lovely abode.So was having 3 children to support, a mortgage, and no job the challenge given by life to break me or simply sacred faith in my integrity and faith?

There is a price for every choice you make; the choices which cost you are the choices out of alignment with your values. Your mind may convince you “it’s ok, it’s just this time, it’s not a big deal”, but your soul knows your integrity just got dinged and your self-respect pays a price. It’s how we find ourselves in a world which considers going to war an acceptable means for creating peace, with civilians and children-the regrettable, but acceptable-cost of peace.

Where in your life or relationships are you living at odds with what you truly want, compromising what is true in your heart and soul?

Where are you going to war and telling yourself it’s for peace? Do you offer yourself reasons practical or personal for doing so, selling yourself or life short? Take it from me, it’s the little choices you make each day which build the muscles and courage of your integrity…..the integrity which gives you the strength and faith for when life challenges you to choose war or peace.

“The Trojan Horse of Opportunity Change, Challenge, and Transition Offers Us”

My clients entrust me with helping them update their beliefs, habits, and choices for creating more joy, integrity, and health in themselves and their relationships.  We begin by building a foundation for learning to trust (again) themselves, life,  and their dreams.  And once they have done so “well enough”, there is little in life they cannot meet with confidence, creativity, and courage.  

One of the passages engaged when in the process of change, is realizing much of what you have been taught (or concluded) about life, needs updating. Not unlike how operating systems need updating for computers to serve contemporary needs, your operating system-your beliefs, your habits, your choices-need updating as well. Updating your operating system not only increases your satisfaction and fulfillment in life, it is a critical component to living your power, purpose, and your passions in life.

A software update I teach people is learning the difference between a conscious/pro-active choice and and a default/reactive choice.  There is much confusion, even with people who are committed to being conscious (from Latin meaning “knowing of oneself or of others”) of just where IS the line between acceptance and response-ability, between being passive and surrendering, between going with the flow and being in their default (from Latin meaning “failing, deceiving”) comfort zone. 

The answers you seek for crafting a life of purpose, lay not only in the facts you’ve been  taught about life, the answers awaits your living the truths within yourself as well. When you learn to trust your inner authority of knowing, you learn to trust yourself and life again, bringing balance to the authority of the facts outside. Challenging?  Perhaps, yet not as challenging as feeling you are living a life false of yourself, or devoid of truths your own.  Honoring your personal (inner) authority carries the price of sacrificing (from Latin meaning “holy”) the false comfort of your defaults in life for the delight and power of your living spirit in flow.

 Finding your balance between outer authority (from Latin meaning “giving power and control”) you default your power to, and living the wisdom of your inner authority, is a process rewarding and a process requiring community and containment.  Awakening to more of your power-as is told by myths young and old-carries with it risks and dangers teachers, guides, and mentors shepherd students through safely.  (Think Gandolf in Lord of the Rings). The Western mythology of the solitary nature of coming into wisdom and power, is simply that….a myth, not a truth.

 Look for the second article in my series on learning to trust yourself and life again. Human life is an elegant art and science, with delight (from Latin meaning “with light”) and integrity easing our journey.Or as ee.cummings put it so eloquently, “to be nobody but yourself,  in a world which is doing it’s best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight”. 






Holy Is Everywhere

 Its a beautiful Sunday morning in June, a day inviting both the slower pace of a Sunday as well as the invitation of Mother Nature beckoning with her delightful June temperatures and low humidity.  A day holy with my rituals of Sunday, a day holy with the temple of Mother Nature in June, and a day holy by commiting to receive all that the day brings to me as a blessing…as hard as that is for my mind to wrap around at times! 

Growing up in a Catholic family, holiness was taught as obeying rules and rituals and obeying the men who ministered for God.  And so at 5 years old, I asked to become an altar girl and after being laughed at by the priest for asking,  I announced to my parents I was no longer Catholic, indignantly saying I knew God would have said yes to my request to become an altar girl. My parents, to their credit, did not defend the priest’s response and instead encouraged me to participate in what still had meaning for me in the Catholic faith.

The joy and inspiration of my childhood faith-the majesty of Christmas midnight mass, the soothing sound of the Latin chants, the transcendent beauty of the church music and singing-did become part of the rituals and holidays created in my own non-Catholic family.  For I had learned an important truth in not rejecting the holy still being offered through the Catholic faith….holy is not the obeying of rules and rituals…holy is everything, everyday, and everywhere.

Holy is the reverence I feel as I view the sunrise over the ocean as majestic as any cathedral, holy is the gaze of an infants eyes in mine dissolving all doubt of angels, holy is offering our smiles to those unknown with a frown, and holy is embracing what is true for us through experience,  even if lacking in obedience. When we begin to live as the daughters and sons of God all faiths agree we are, then we begin to live in conscious awe, in conscious reverence, in conscious faith holy is everywhere.

“Surrender to the Goddess”

 “Surrender”,  the “kissing cousin” of commitment,  is another word/concept that (unfairly) has come to have a bad reputation. Like so many words and concepts whose definition means one thing in the seen world and almost the opposite in the unseen world, surrender is a powerful word and concept.  Once my clients begin to get over their confusion at the paradox of meanings between the exterior and interior world, and embrace the interior meaning of surrender, magic begins to happen!

Surrender is the choice to put aside our mental pre-conceptions of what is and is not possible, our allegiance and belief in the supreme power of control, and our fear of the unknown and the unseen.  Surrender is making the choice to create room for the sacred, the unknown, the mystery of life, to deliver it’s grace and wisdom in reponse to the call of our heart and soul.  Surrender is honoring the divine marriage of the earthly and the heavenly, suspending our disbelief and embracing our faith, and the willingness to entrust possibilities not made of simply mental means. As goes the  saying “Let go and let God/dess!”

 ”Surrender to the Goddess” reminds woman to surrender to the divine nature of her being, initiating the sacred marriage of what we call a human being. When we surrender to the Goddess we are, matters on earth become sooo much easier and joyful for like any marriage, the alchemy of the partners-in this case the earthly and the heavenly-creates a third where magic and miracle abound!


Tending Our Dreams

This weekend we are in Brooklyn, NY for a birthday celebration for my younger daughter with the family and friends who live here. We visit once a season or so, enjoying what residents love about living here, including awesome and inexpensive cuisine from around the world through simply a subway ride.  Last night we chose dinner in Tibet courtesy of a restaurant the size of a large walk-in closet and sipping Tibetan hot buttered tea, I studied the autographed pictures of the Dalai Lama near our table.

Noticing my interest, the owner of the restaurant showed me another picture near the register and he proudly pointed out the words the Dalai Lama had written across the photo… [Read more…]