I have been off my game lately, a little more absent-minded and a little less with the joys of the day. At first I thought it was simply the changes brought about by the side effects of winter hibernation-too many carbs and not enough exercise-that was making me sluggish in getting together with the energy of spring. Or, I would blame the energetics of living in a world distressed by it’s economy serving as a wake-up call to grow up. However, as I sit here in my parents home and all that being here calls upon my emotions, I must honor the wisdom of what my tears are telling me…that loss is less about the words we use to talk of it and more of how it challenges us, even those who believe themselves ok with impermanence.
I am being brought back to the powerful workshop of grief and how important the work of grief is to growing compassion, first for ourselves and then the other. To our minds, feeling our sorrow is the antithesis of what it believes in and so we choose to avoid, gloss over, or go into psuedo-spiritual mode when feeling sorrow’s presence. Grief is a powerful teacher on the truth of impermanence and simply wants us to worship each moment we are in, for this moment must die to birth the next moment. We are taught to disconnect our energy from that which is painful and call it maturity. And while this may keep us feeling safe and gain us the illusion of control, the truth is our withdrawal from what is painful simply removes the presence of our compassion for ourself and the other.
And so, instead of stopping my tears, I allow them to flow down my face, their presence honoring the loss of my parent’s place in what keeps me feeling safe and always loved as well as for their grief and fear of their destination. My child sees my tears and simply gives me a hug, innocent still of the price of the awareness of losing those always in your life. The tears help me to be more with the short and sweet of time-less important becomes what is past and more important what remains when the day is gone…. love, simply love.