I work with smart, competent people who often don’t feel so competent or smart in a relationship they are struggling with. Often they have worked with traditional therapy to no avail and are looking elsewhere for help. They often mistake feeling challenged by the state of the relationship as a judgment of themselves and their worthiness. Yet nothing could be further from the truth as within all challenges is the invitation to realize more of who one is and is truly capable of.
People who seek change for the better in a relationship can feel hopeless and helpless to do so. Whether it’s a partner, family member or friend, or even a boss, a challenging relationship can impact how we feel about ourself as well. We cannot change another person, but we can change the story we tell ourself about who we are and what we are capable of.
To solve a problem that bedevils you, start with becoming the author of your story about it. A story in which you tell the truth of who you truly are and no longer give the critical voices from your past the power they have enjoyed over you. Taking ownership of your story makes a big difference when it comes to engaging the power you have for creating what you seek in life.
Here are some suggestions for becoming the author of your life;
- Observe where you position yourself in the stories you now tell about yourself and your life. Are you a victim?, are you helpless?, are you stuck? Or are you adventurous, a risk-taker?
- The roles you play and the feelings you occupy in the stories you tell about your experiences in life reflect the power you feel-or don’t-in your life. For example, if you tell the story of being helpless to make a change happen, you will choose so in life as well.
- Notice the themes you engage often in your stories, themes such as how you talk about your friends or spouse, or feeling being left out or not being loved, etc.
- Once you take an inventory of how you are now telling the story of your life, you can choose to change your story where you would like a different experience of life. This is not an easy nor quick fix to feeling more powerful and creative in your life. What is of lasting value rarely is, but the effort to do so will reap you rewards fulfilling and sustainable.
- It helps to name what we experience in life for creating change in our life. Stories are a very powerful part of how we make sense of the world and what happens in life. Taking up being the author of your story empowers you to craft a life you love being in. If you don’t have a story that reflects your values and what is true for you, you won’t have a life you feel satisfied and delighted with. It’s not so much what happens that creates our experiences of life, it’s more the story we tell of what happens.
It helps to name what we experience in life for creating change in our life. Stories are a very powerful part of how we make sense of the world and what happens in life. Taking up being the author of your story empowers you to craft a life you love being in. If you don’t have a story that reflects your values and what is true for you, you won’t have a life you feel satisfied and delighted with. It’s not so much what happens that creates our experiences of life, it’s more the story we tell of what happens.